Anti-Social Media (& My Mental Health)
Volume 1, Number 5
For the past several months I’ve been on a bit of a social media break. I didn’t do it intentionally; it just happened. And it was wonderful.
Like many people, I suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which means that as the days get shorter and the sky gets grayer and the temperatures drop alongside the colorful fall leaves, I get depressed. It’s been with me for a long time, but in recent years it’s magnified in its intensity. Part of that, I’m learning, is just a side-effect of getting older. I don’t object to aging (it beats the alternative, right?), but I don’t like some of the changes that my mind and my body go through as I do.
Combating depression is a chore. Keeping it from taking over my life is a constant battle. I am under a doctor’s care for the SAD and so far it seem to be working. A few months ago I started a workout regime that, when combined with dietary changes I began making last fall, has helped me to lose about 25 pounds that I’d put on in the year or so before. I started running again, too, and have competed in several 5K races already this year, with many more on my schedule—along with at least three longer races.
But back to social media.
Depression, whether seasonal or not, can magnify other mental health issues. Two of those other ones are social anxiety and imposter syndrome, neither of which plays very well with social media. In my case, I see the wonderful things people post about their lives and I just can’t bring myself to do the same. Life isn’t wonderful when you’re depressed, so why would I want to share that with the world? That’s just … MORE depressing!
Such is the vicious cycle swirling through my mind. Throw in a little imposter syndrome and it’s a recipe for a meltdown: Why didn’t I think of that photo concept instead of him? My pictures are so inferior to hers. Why bother if no one appreciates it? What if the model says no? How can I plan this photo shoot when I still owe pictures to someone else? I’m a poser, a fake. I’m phoning it in. I’ll never be able to do this if I can’t find time for my art. I’m “over the hill” creatively and chronologically.
Fortunately, spring arrived, my doctor’s treatment took hold, and now I’m feeling pretty good. I do still experience some depression, and I’m very aware of how I’m feeling as the long summer days have now peaked and are beginning to shorten again. But I’m not focusing on that.
I’m taking steps to not get bogged down by it, and one of those it trying to stay self-aware.
To keep on top of it, I am going to do what I love to do, which is make pictures. Creativity spawns more creativity. Just like depression, it’s a perpetual motion machine with an opposite effect. Pursuing my dreams, challenging my creativity, and actually doing the work no matter what is imperative to pushing through the negativity.
And part of that means returning to social media, not giving a damn what others think, and just putting myself out there. It’s been a good break and I feel healthier for it. But it’s also necessary to use social media to keep track of family and friends, and to help build relationships of all types.
So here I am, writing another newsletter after what has been way too many months away. A lot has happened and I have a lot on my mind, so with fingers crossed and a deep, cleansing breath, I’m going to dive back in.
Peace. ☮️
Love it, Rodney. Been following your work since about 1990. Not stopping now, and clearly neither are you! ❤️
One of the most relieving feels I’ve had as an artist is embracing being told no as an answer to an otherwise unasked question: I can check that person or space off my list (long-term or briefly), and move on to the next.
If you vehemently put your voice forward, your tribe will follow and build. I believe everyone who truly has the soul of an artist will make an impact - for some of us it just takes longer/more effort beyond simply making the work.